When a wife was asked:
What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's
cheque book..
Girlfriend: And are
you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure!
I checked the whole list again yesterday.
Teacher: Now, children,
if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
Teacher: Now, Vivek,
tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Vivek : No sir, I don't
have to, my mom & dad are good cooks.
Dad: Vivek, what do u want
for ur
birthday?
Vivek: Not much dad,
Just a radio with a sports car around it.
SIGNS THAT MAY LEAD TO MISUNDERSTANDING. OR, MAY NOT!
In a restroom:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE
FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In
a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER
YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In another office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY
THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES,
WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop
window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR (WHO?)
Seen
during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice
in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF
YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE
KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
MORE JOKES - Husband/Wife/other jokes
One day, a man came home and was greeted
by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A
woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at
the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should
I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said.
"Just get out"
**************************************************
> > Marriage is a relationship in which
one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.
**************************************************
A
Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight
test. The optician showed him
a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?"
the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
**************************************************
Mother
Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************
A
wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful,"
he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry
up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> > The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what
it feels like when I'm driving."
